Igor has been very put out as of late. When one is as busy and important as Igor is, vacations are rare and fleeting, to be cherished like the precious sun upon Igor's gleaming, gloriously green shell. But now, not only has the sun of Istanbul disappeared, but the drudgery of London has somehow worsened, much to Igor's disbelief, with periods of great downpour and extended periods of grey half-light. Igor is appalled and cannot believe the nerve of London. If Igor weren’t so desperately needed in London (on some very important, very secret business. He’d tell you if you were more important.), he would be on an unnamed private island in the Caribbean right now. But alas, with great wisdom, beauty, and power comes great responsibility.

In an attempt to boost Igor’s spirits (after all, morale is essential here), Igor’s doting minions have made considerable exertions (not, of course, that Igor's high maintenance). Clearly, Igor’s hectic life was lacking something, and finally, it has been realized that the missing element in Igor’s demanding life is parties. Of course, the theme of every party should be Igor, Igor, and, obviously, more Igor, but unfortunately, Igor simply cannot be so easily replicated. And so Igor’s minions have had to brainstorm to create other amusing themes.

So far, they have come up with an "E"-themed party, where everyone had to dress up as something that beging with "E" (obviously to honor "EE-gor," although it happened to coincide with the birthdays of two underlings, whose names were Elsie and Erica, or something like that -- Igor can't be bothered to know for sure); a passover-themed party (obviously to honor Igor's return to London from Istanbul as he passed over the Continent, although it happened to coincide with the holiday, Passover); and next will be an animal-themed party, where everyone will dress up as animals (to honor Igor, but obviously, no one can dress as a turtle because they simply will not be able to compare with Igor).

Hopefully, with these morale-boosters, Igor will once again be in fighting condition to face the drab dreariness of spring showers.

(Please note there was supposed to be a beautiful photograph of Igor atop a bed of flowers here; unfortunately, Igor's handler, Heeseung, has failed to keep Igor's files in tip-top shape and has lost the photograph -- consequently, the world loses out on a lovely image. This is why Igor must get new help. Applications will open 5 April, 2010.)